Camo Isn't A Good Look For Me

A few years ago, I attended a church where I had an immediate and negative reaction to the pastor’s style of preaching. It wasn’t that his main points weren’t sound – they were – but how he chose to present them was not in keeping with the standards of righteousness. He used a clip from The Simpsons that was openly mocking baptism as the quirky and relatable opening for his sermon about the significance, meaning, and importance of being baptized; he used a curse word from the pulpit; he sacrificed integrity for marketing.

Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will.” (NIV)

Please don’t misunderstand, the strength of my reaction doesn’t come from disdain or judgment; when I watched that young pastor, I saw all the worst, most questionable parts of myself glaring back at me.

The desire not to seem haughty twisted into lowering ourselves from a position of righteousness.

The longing to be inclusive and loving warped into compromising our identity in Christ and the authority of scripture.

The want to seem like an average joe and not a holier-than-thou religious person robbing us of our place – set apart as those chosen to be made holy and new.

1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

This isn’t a message of legalism; people who are in the light get tan – it’s cause and effect.

Christians should look, sound, act, and feel different. We should be different from non-Christians, certainly, but more importantly different from ourselves.

Colossians 3:1-3 “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”

We’re not called to be better than anyone but ourselves. We’re not called to imitate anyone – pastors, writers, evangelists, or otherwise – except Jesus.

We’re called to set aside the camouflage that helps us avoid ridicule, discomfort, and awkwardness and put on the new self that we have been granted as part of our inheritance.

Ephesians 4: 22-24 “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;  to be made new in the attitude of your minds;  and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”

A while ago, I prayed for conviction and I’ve found it here; looking in the mirror of the pastor from so long ago. My camouflage has failed me; my gilly-suit is torn and hanging limply, the grease paint is getting in my eyes, and here, at the feet of Jesus, I find myself totally exposed. Thankfully, that’s all that’s asked of me. All I have to do is stay here in submission, continually setting the me aside, and God will take care of the rest.

Luke 9:23-25 “Then [Jesus] said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?”

Friends, do you struggle with this too? Are there habits of your old self you need to let go of in order to move forward into your calling or to strengthen your witness? How can we go about this continual submission in our daily lives? 

Why Doesn't God "Come Up"?

Psalm 40:10 "I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart; I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation; I have not concealed your steadfast love and faithfulness from the great congregation."

I’m a pretty passionate person.

I like what I like and I like to share that with people I like (or whoever will listen really).

I recommend a strange variety of music, force my friends to watch stand-up comedians they’ve never heard of, and openly obsess over books/blogs/Pinterest.

None of that, however, compares to how much you’ll hear about my husband, parents, college roommate, friends, or friends’ kids if we sit down for dinner.

All of these things fit seamlessly into conversation, they’re part of my heart so they bubble over; so then why is it that my first love, my truest advocate, my safe place, never seems to come up naturally?

The subject of God draws me up short, I shrink back and turn nonchalant -- always hoping not to offend – and that’s if He even makes it into conversation at all. I could say that it’s because I’m polite and don’t discuss sex, religion, or politics but that’s not true. Maybe I don’t want the other person to feel awkward? Not exactly.

I don’t want me to feel awkward. I don’t want them (anyone at all) to think I’m judgmental or holier-than-thou or a total mess of a hypocrite.

The problem with this line of thinking is that I’m obviously a Christian. Not like I wear a stack of “WWJD?” bracelets, but I went to college for Christian Counseling and Women’s Ministry; most of my friends are either from my Pentecostal university or high school youth group; and, when people ask what I’m working on right now, I’m trying to write a 365-Day Devotional.

All I’m doing by not talking about God in my casual conversations is showing a lack of passion. TheMan, my parents, The Shins, Jim Gaffigan, and on and on are all shown as more important and valuable to me than the God I trust with my life and forever.

So I’m done with that. My God has been too sweet to me during this trial, His Word teams up with Prozac to help me overcome my depression day by day, He shows Himself to be good a hundred ways every day and I’m over being dispassionate about that!

Our lives will always show what we’re passionate about – if you want to know what you’re broadcasting check your Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter – so today, I’m praying that I can show people the loving God who allows a quirky little girl from the middle of nowhere to peak into His glory and who will, clearly, use anyone who is willing as an ambassador.

What are you showing the people you interact with that you’re passionate about? Will you join me today in praying for a heart that bubbles over with talk of God’s goodness?

Quarter-Life Crisis

"For faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see," (Heb 11:1).
The Quarter-Life Crisis is a fairly new concept; it refers to someone in their 20's who is suddenly struggling for a sense of who they are.
And friends, I'm right in the middle of mine.
So many things that used to take up a large part of my identity are over - student, roommate, worker, etc...- and the roles I thought would be starting - master's student, counselor, wife - are kind of on hold.
Because God's grace is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor 12), I'm going to candidly admit something to you: I am sad. And I have been floundering.
I lost track of who I am.
Because my identity should never have been in academics or work or any people/person.
My identity is from God; He says I'm redeemed, chosen, loved, His, and that's enough for me.
Do I still feel a bit directionless? Yes.
But I don't feel pointless or purposeless anymore, because I know that the directions will come in time.
There is no sin in being sad that things are over or on hold; in fact, I think of sadness like an allergic reaction because we were not made to experience loss and allergic reactions aren't willful and therefore aren't sinful. The sin starts when that sadness turns into allowing myself to doubt God for the future, neglect the important things in the present, and not believe that I am who He says I am.
So today I'm going to take my Zyrtec, do my Bible reading, and move forward with the confidence that there are good things planned for my future.

She Reads Truth

As I mentioned in my post about Bloglovin', one of my favorite blogs is She Reads Truth.
What I didn't mention, but would like to today, is that She Reads Truth (and it's companion He Reads Truth) are more than blogs. They're apps, they're outreach, they're devotional, and they're a great way to inject God's Word into daily life.
I'm the stereotypical, attached to my phone, twenty-something; having God's Word in a comprehensive and well formatted (free!) app right in front of my face has been a game changer for me.
The studies range from free to $1.99 and are generally from a compilation of relevant Christian voices - from Amanda Bible Williams to Jen Hatmaker and beyond - and can be anywhere from a few days to the Bible in 365.
All the ones I've participated in have been transformative; most notably the Hospitality study, which encouraged and allowed me to lean into what I believe to be one of my spiritual gifts in a way that never even would've occurred to me.
God's Word never returns void and the She Reads Truth studies are so based in and founded on His Word that I can't imagine one being lackluster.
If you're anything like me and struggle with either finding the right study, finding the time, finding the place, finding the motivation and feeling like you maybe aren't finding God very easily; please download this free app today - it's available for iOs and Android. If it can help keep me on track, I'm convinced it can help most anyone.

Just fyi, this isn't a sponsored post. She Reads Truth didn't ask for this endorsement. I just really appreciate their app, love God, and am kind of a mess so I need all the tools I can find to help keep me dedicated ♡

The Giving Tree

They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree; I can only hope that's true. Because my mom has given me so much; she's my role model, my friend, and my mentor. She takes care of me and she teaches me. Most importantly, she builds my faith. And I miss her so much when we're apart. 

She doesn't only teach and build me; God is constantly expanding her ministry. Today, she took a step of faithfulness and began posting online no longer just her words, but her voice & I'm so proud of her. And, for the first time, I got to be a Monday Night Lady from a great distance!!

The audio is on her blog, Glimpsed Glory, and it's blessing and challenging me hugely.

"The only way we know who we are, is to know who He is." - Marilyn Biddinger, my tree

Why Carb Queen?

My parents have always called me the “Carb Queen” – because I adore pasta and bread. They’re versatile, the best food if you ask me, and, overall, delicious.

I’ve always loved them both, but lately bread is gaining an advantage.

Recently, I’ve begun to bake, but my doctors have taken away simple sugars which leaves me and bread almost alone. And I’m starting to like it that way.

Bread is variety – you can do almost anything with it. Butter. Peanut butter. Jams, jellies, or preserves. Dip it, rip it, dunk it.

No matter what I do to it, I can always be sure it will satisfy and maintain its bread-y essence.

I believe there’s a reason that the Lord’s prayer includes the line, “give us this day, our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11). God called His provision for the Israelites, “Manna,” or “bread from heaven” (Exodus 16:4). Moreover, Jesus referred to Himself as the, “Bread of Life” (John 6:35).

One of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequist, describes herself as “a bread-and-wine person.” A harkening back to communion, which she explains thusly, “As a Christian, I recognize them as food and drink, but also, at the very same time, I recognize them as something much greater – mystery and tradition and symbol … The two together are the sacred and the material at once, the heaven and earth, the divine and the daily.”

(Can you tell I’m obsessed with her writing? Really, go buy Bread and Wine, it’s be dog-earred by the time you’re through the first chapter.)

Her words and these verses mingle and echo through my mind as I flour the counter, as I knead the dough (or don’t depending on the recipe), and as I peek into the darkness under the striped towel that conceals my rising prize.

Obviously, I’m a girl who loves her bread, but what if I got obsessed with the Living Bread? What if I ate this in remembrance of Him (Luke 22:19)? What if I ate and drank and did everything in honor of Him who sustains me (1 Corinthians 10:31)? What if I watched for the places that the divine meets the daily?

Bread is messy; it’s a lot of measurements that look like sticky chaos, sort of come together, are in the dark for a while, are changed by heat, and then come out delicious.

My life is messy too; I’m a newlywed, battling multiple chronic illnesses, and looking down the barrel of a lot of transitions.

I guess all that’s left is to be on the lookout for the deliciousness.